Educating the Retarded Child, by Kirk Johnson

I will begin now with a five part post on the classification of retarded children according to “degree” of their “mental deficit”, according to Dr. (Mr. ?) Johnson.

“Children with low intelligence differ in degree of mental deficit. Consequently, one of the common classifications of such children is based upon the degree of the defect. This classification emphasizes quantittative rather than qualitative differences; it differentiates children according to degree of deficit rather than kind. For this purpose the follwoing subdivisions have been used:

IDIOT

The category indicating the greatest degree of defect is that of idiocy. A child who is an idiot is so low intellectually that he does not learn to talk and usually does no learn to take care of his bodily needs. These children require complete custodial care and supervision, since they cannot be trained even in the simple routines of daily life and do not possess the ability to learn to survive without external support. Idiots have been generally classified as those persons having I.Q.’s of 0 to 20 or 25 on psychometric tests.”

Translation: Don’t take I.Q. tests on a days when you are really stressed and cannot focus. Kirk Johnson will have you commited.

Flavor Flav…?

Last night, Ben Folds performed at the end of Conan O’Brien’s nightly show, playing his most radio-friendly duet with Regina Spektor, “You Don’t Know Me.”  I should have waited until the very end.  O’Brien’s first guest was Mr. Tom Arnold, who was tolerable.  But then, oh THEN, O’Brien and his audience were ushered into that ignominious realm of confusion known as “Proximity to Flavor Flav.”  Mr. Flav showed up wearing a Larry Bird Celtics jersey the size of a mumu, and, of course, his clock.  I understand that he is to be credited (if not thanked) for his contributions to rap and hip-hop through Public Enemy, but I found myself baffled by his every word and mannerism.  This situation rarely bodes well for my patience.  How does one have a conversation with a man who commands the audience to shout your name?  “Flavor Flav!” he commands.  And upon receiving their contrived adulation, he blows kisses at them.  Mwah mwah mwah.  How, um, affectionate. This behavior, however, shouldn’t be viewed as irregular.  Wikipedia informs us, “His visual trademark is an oversized clock hanging from his neck and repeatedly yelling his own name.”    O’Brien even looked baffled, and probably wondered why he hadn’t interviewed BEN FOLDS instead.  Still trying to play the professional, gracious host, he tried to change the subject asking Mr. Flav about his new dance.  Apparently, you can’t be a “real” rap artist these days unless you have a new dance to go with your new song.  We can thank (condemn) Soulja Boy for this phenomenon.  Mr. Flav got O’Brien to join him on the floor.  The dance was about as energetic as a a yoga class in a retirement home, and as inspiring as luke-warm beer.  He’s got more money than New Jersey (which isn’t Texas, but it’s enough); he should develop some common sense and disappear until he has something else to say but his name.

Re: (1) Indecency for Mary

Indecency for Mary

Don’t worry Mary. The wait is over!

Aptos Explosion

Well it appears that a truck exploded on a street near my house. The CHP in all their wisdom desided to re-route the entire Hwy 1 (primary freeway in Santa Cruz county) down the street that my folks live on.

Educating the Retarded Child, By Kirk Johnson

Etiology of Mental Retardation:

(1) Mongoloid children seem to be more prevalent in older mothers than in younger mothers, although mongolism occurs in both.  More than 50 per cent of the mothers Benda studied wer beyond the age of thirty-five when their mongoloid child was born.

Translation:

Old ladies make dumb babies.

Re: (5) Doomed!

Re: (4) Doomed!

Re: (3) Doomed!

Re: (2) Doomed!