The Saga Continues…

When we last left our warriors, the Apple and AT&T corporations were in hiding. they were defeated by the rebel alliance who developed programs that could break the bonds that these corporations had placed on the precious iPhone. However, the corporations did not hide idly as the world roamed free with their creations, as was written in the book of napkins by the prophet napkinini. They sat, coniving and developed software updates that would render any phone in the hands of a rebel, worthless, unusable, and “broken”. But the book of napkin gave the rebels hope.

The scripture reads as follows:

napkinini writes: My lawyer senses are tingling as multitudes of lawyers use their new iPhones to contact representatives for a deliciously huge class action lawsuit against the Big Apple.

The prophet, in these words, fortold that “justice” would be served in time, and that the wandering in the wilderness will soon come to an end for the rebels, and they shall one day walk onto the land of promise. But now, my fellow blogsplogians, that prophecy is FULFILLED!

Yes brothers, the corporations’ fate now lies at the mercy of a massive gavel. The world is watching, empire and rebel alike, in anxious expectation for the revelation of the verdict. We can only hope that the “prophet” will be able to foretell the outcome soon, so that our desires can be satisfied. It seems only appropriate that this prophecy come to its fulfillment on the prophet’s birthday. Happy Birthday Napkinini!

An egregious error in judgement

Ladies and gentleman of the house and senate. I have called this meeting today to discuss something of topical importance. Something that has been long troubling our society and something which, if not addressed with some immediacy, may find our country seeped in one of its most troubling ages to date. And yes, I realize that our country is filled with some dark times.

Oddly enough, we as a people tend to gloss over the issues most important to us in times that they can be easily ignored. Perhaps people in the seventies should have been more concerned with their tripling gas prices and frequent desperation for more fuel and excessive pollution. If they had been, than just maybe we would already be using hydrogen or some other type of fuel base to run our vehicles.

I have gathered you all today to speak not about the past, however, but the future. Where our country is headed and where we are right this minute and how this minute can affect the minute after it and the subsequent minutes that follow.

Ladies and gentleman of congress, there lays atop this country a plague. A plague of indifference to an important issue that separates man from his brother, and woman from her mate.

I shall cut to the chase, ladies and gentleman of congress.

We must abolish race in this country.

Apples Attack!

When we last left our intrepid warriors, we discovered that hackers had defeated the evil phone empire and their horrible Apples. But, as we know, every time an empire’s large technological scheme is destroyed, they strike back.

As of right now, it’s hard to tell if they’re using scare tactics by saying, “You won’t get all our quality updates!” or if they’re saying, “Yeah, the next update you get will give you a brand new glass paperweight if you’re phone’s unlocked.” This could be highly entertaining. My lawyer senses are tingling as multitudes of lawyers use their new iPhones to contact representatives for a deliciously huge class action  lawsuit against the Big Apple.

Thoughts Regarding Suits Against God

These thoughts were inspired by the Grand Inquisitor (whose identity baffles me)

For the quick end of it, the suit will get dismissed for lack of service of process, most likely. The answer complicates things a little bit, as the Mayo vs. Satan and his Staff precedent won’t apply, even if it normally would, because Mayo failed proper service on Satan and the entirety of his staff. I’m not entirely certain how this will go through the gearworks, because I don’t know the procedure for an instance like this, but we need not fear a judgment against God.

I don’t think he’s trying to make an ad-hominem, because he’s not trying to attack a position that God is arguing by arguing against the character of God. He’s just filing a frivolous lawsuit to protest frivolous lawsuits in a way that also thumbs his nose at people who believe in God by pointing out that evil exists and has consequences. This is the pollution protesters driving trucks in protest of truck driving all over again.

One thing interesting, though, is how our friendly congressman assumes that, by naming God in the suit, he really fails to specify which God. Just because someone makes some assertion against God doesn’t mean he’s referring to the One True Eternal God. He could have named him (YHWH), if he’s going after the Christian or Jewish God, for example, or have sued in “Doe,” with the doe being “The supreme being who rules the universe through indeterminate and mysterious means,” or something like that.

What I’m getting at is, when people rant against God, in general, they practice idolatry. They have fashioned up an idol in the image of their liking. But they are not pagans, for once they create their idols, they then proclaim that they are not God, and nothing like the idol that they’ve created is God.

And for that much, I will give the congressman. If God is one who personally injures people absent any immunity or privilege afforded by law, and the jurisdiction (i.e., law) within which God operates does not afford any, say, divine privilege, immunity, or exception, and if there is a body of law which actually governs God outside God in a way which humans can conceptualize and comprehend accurately enough to render judgment upon it, then yes, I think I would be agnostic and sue God, just in case.

The Perpetual Humility of the Incarnation

The Gospel writers consistently draw our attention to the lowly estate Jesus was born into; sharing the fellowship of baryard animals in some ghetto neighborhood of Bethlehem.  This trend continued through his life and his ministry.  Nothing good can come from Nazareth, many clamored!  Now, He stoops even into the maze of our legal system and eternity of paperwork.  The fool in his heart says there is no God, but what title shall we give to the man who “sues” God?  What kind of reparation did Ernie Chambers expect?  Nonetheless, the Almighty dispenses some thoughts about freewill and tells the senator what we’ve wanted to tell most politicians the last few years—”You’re missing the point.”

Whether this is a prank or miracle I know not, though I am inclined to suspect it is a prank.  God would need no witness—He is witness to Himself via the Father and Spirit, but He may have felt compelled to include St. Michael the Archangel for reasons known only to Him, though He does have a habit of delegating work to angels and men insofar as they have capacity, regardless of the fact that we are all rather superfluous to his agendas.

Here’s another point—God speaks our language, if He speaks at all, and He knows his audience.  I’m sure some Christians from Nebraska prayed for judgment to fall when they heard the Lord had been sued, but I’m frankly tickled that “God” filed paperwork instead of fireballs.  Christ’s lordship is present not only in great suffering, as on the cross, or great celebration, as at Cana, but in the tedium, the moment, and where we do not expect Him.

Apples and Apples

Arnieasada recently posted on the unlocking of the iPhone. Of course, the question runs right back, “Is that legal?” Last year, it would not be a permitted exception under current copyright law (arguably). But it looks like Apple put their phones out a year too late, for copyright law recently changed to permit such unlocking of phones for the sole purpose of lawfully connecting to other wireless networks.

It appears the only recourse is for Apple and AT&T to cry.