In the paper I receive, the left column on the sports page gives an account of the Cleveland Indians’ recent triumph over the New York Yankees. Four home runs from the Indians helped achieve a whopping 12 runs to the Yankees’ three. Somewhere, someone was screaming in a bar “Even GOD hates the Yankees!” Blah blah blah. The real interest I have in the article is with the picture posted at the top. I’d post the picture, but there are so many like them—why bother? I’ll give you the caption instead.
“Cleveland’s Asdrubal Cabrera points to the sky after scoring on his solo home run in the first inning of Thursday’s 12-3 win over the New York Yankees.”
“Points at the sky?” Perhaps the photographer is trying to convince us that Cabrera (whose name I had extraordinary difficulty typing) is taking time to point out his favorite constellation to the crowd since his grand slam gives him leisure time. If only he’d had a microphone inside his helmet, he could have told the crowd—”And there, in the direction I whacked that ball, is one of my personal favorites, Sagittarius. *sigh* What a beaut. I never get tired of looking at it.”
Okay. Probably not. The AP is just trying to find any explanation for Cabrera’s gesture that won’t invoke “the Man upstairs” (as He’s commonly referred to by the people who don’t know Him very well). But who cares? Even Barry BONDS has been known to point at the sky every now and then, though I can’t imagine why. I doubt he’s as familiar with the constellations as Cabrera. Maybe pointing in that fashion accentuates the nuances of his bicep for the crowd. Maybe he’s pointing at the path of the ball because he doesn’t want it to give some unobservant fan a concussion. The point is—the gig is up. But I will applaud the accidental humor of the AP for trying to rob meaning from an already meaningless gesture. I’m sure the Man Upstairs is laughing too.
Posted by The Grand Inquisitor 